


Party Line: BUT IT'S JUST US

by Adamarks, theflyingpeach



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, Sexting Lite, and the date, baz is an architect, baz wears nice suits to dirty job sites, but we tried, can you spot the gay werewolf erotica??, it doesn't last long dont worry, please dear god read the timestamps, read the timestamps, sexting but not really, simon goes on like two dates with some rando chick, simon is a construction worker, special prize if you can, texting fic, they've worked together for four years, we don't know what we're doing we just wanted simon half naked in a hard hat, we know nothing about building anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamarks/pseuds/Adamarks, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyingpeach/pseuds/theflyingpeach
Summary: Baz owns and runs a major construction company. Simon was hired by him four years ago as a foreman. Everyone they work with thinks they're dating, except for them. This is how they figure it out.Told through a series of text messages.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 25
Kudos: 276





	Party Line: BUT IT'S JUST US

**Author's Note:**

> Read! The! Timestamps! They reveal all! Times and dates are all in European formatting. 
> 
> Also pay attention to the grammar of both characters

**09/07/2020**

**(09:18)** Hey. What times the meeting today again _[Read 09:19]_

**Evil (09:20)** I sent you and the rest of the team a Google Calendar text reminder last week.

**(09:20)** I didn’t see that. What times the meeting. _[Read 09:20]_

**Evil (09:25)** We started fifteen minutes ago.

**(09:26)** Fuck me. Be there in 8 _[Read 09:26]_

**(09:41)** Why. _[Read 09:41]_

**(09:41)** It’s not for two hours yet you cockhead. The receptionist just gave me a look _[Read 09:41]_

**Evil (09:42)** Sounds like a problem for irresponsible employees who don’t keep up with our easily accessible agenda. 

**Evil (09:44)** Learn to refrain from foul language, Snow. These are company phones.

**(09:45)** K _[Read 09:46]_

**Evil (09:46)** K 

**(09:46)** K. _[Read 09:46]_

**Evil (09:46)** Okay. 

**(09:47)** Ok. _[Read 09:47]_

  
  


**14/07/2020**

  
  


**(10:10)** This client won’t stfu _[Read 10:12]_

**Evil Bastard (10:13)** This client is the reason you can pay your bills. Assuming you’re that responsible.

**Evil Bastard (10:13)** Pay attention.

**Evil Bastard (10:14)** And stop glaring out of the window.

**(10:14)** You look like youre ready to murder her wtf _[Read 10:23]_

**(10:14)** There’s a pigeon outside im not glaring _[Read 10:23]_

**(10:15)** It keeps pecking the window _[Read 10:23]_

**(10:16)** Wonder what it wants _[Read 10:23]_

**(10:18)** Maybe it’ll peck a hole through the glass _[Read 10:23]_

**(10:18)** We can escape then _[Read 10:23]_

**Evil Bastard (10:25)** I’m turning my phone off.

**(10:25)** IM BORED _[Read 10:25]_

**Evil Bastard (10:26)** Be bored by yourself. I actually care about my job.

**(10:26)** She won’t shut up about the fucking toilets don’t act so high and mighty _[Read 10:26]_

**(10:27)** I’m naming the pigeon Jerry _[Delivered]_

**(10:27)** Jerry Springer. _[Delivered]_

**(10:28)** You’re really turning your phone off _[Delivered]_

**(10:29)** Bitch. _[Delivered]_

  
  


**22/07/2020**

  
  


**(16:20)** Is there free food after this today _[Read 16:24]_

**(16:20)** Do you know _[Read 16:24]_

**(16:20)** God I hope so _[Read 16:24]_

**Fuckwad (16:25)** I only purchased enough food to feed your team, not the small village living inside your gut. You’ll have to foot your own bill.

**(16:25)** So there’s food _[Read 16:25]_

**(16:25)** Is what you’re saying _[Read 16:27]_

**(16:25)** :) _[Read 16:27]_

**Fuckwad (16:27)** Food for the people who do their jobs. 

**Fuckwad (16:28)** Correctly. With shirts on.

**Fuckwad (16:29)** Not you.

**(16:32)** ???? I’m wearing a shirt rn _[Read 16:35]_

**(16:36)** I can see you looking at me you can see my shirt _[Read 16:36]_

**Fuckwad (16:43)** The food isn’t for you. 

**(16:39)** Why _[Read 16:40]_

**Fuckwad (16:40)** Ugly shirt.

**(16:40)** >:( _[Read 16:40]_

**(16:41)** I’m eating the food fuck you. _[Read 16:41]_

**Fuckwad (16:42)** Anything you eat I’m docking from your next paycheck.

**(16:42)** Ok _[Read 16:47]_

**(16:43)** What’re we having _[Read 16:47]_

**Fuckwad (16:47)** Chocolate pudding from the Lindeth Howe Country Hotel.

**(16:56)** Why do you even know about a pudding that expensive _[Read 16:59]_

**(16:56)** The fuck is in it? _[Read 16:59]_

**(16:56)** Gold? _[Read 16:59]_

**(16:56)** Angel tears? _[Read 16:59]_

**Fuckwad (16:59)** Your blood, sweat and next four months of rent.

**(17:03)** Lol _[Read 17:05]_

**Fuckwad (17:07)** Yes your impending homelessness is hilarious.

**Fuckwad (17:07)** You won’t be sleeping on my sofa.

**(17:11)** You seem like the type of bloke to have a really uncomfortable sofa _[Read 17:13]_

**(17:11)** Like that sticky leather _[Read 17:13]_

**Fuckwad (17:19)** Good thing you never have to worry about finding out.

  
  


**27/07/2020**

  
  


**Piss Baby (14:32)** where is your shirt

**(14:37)** ? _[Read 14:37]_

**(14:37)** I took it off. It was hot _[Read 14:37]_

**(14:39)** I’m standing right next to you why are you texting me _[Read 14:39]_

**Piss Baby (14:39)** put your shirt on

**Piss Baby (14:39)** youre violating several codes

**(14:39)** You can stand there in a suit and sweat to death. I’m actually working _[Read 14:39]_

**(14:40)** I have my hard hat on _[Read 14:40]_

**Piss Baby (14:42)** youre sweating like a pregnant nun

**Piss Baby (14:43)** you arent working youre hovering over my new partner and I 

**Piss Baby (14:43)** go back to work

**(14:44)** Obviously you don’t care that much about your new partner you keep texting me _[Read 14:44]_

**Piss Baby (14:48)** Professionalism says texting you is preferable to throwing you from a ten story ledge. Go back to work.

**(14:49)** Whatever _[Delivered]_

  
  


**03/08/2020**

  
  


**(09:16)** That suit seems like a bit much for a construction site _[Read 09:27]_

**(09:17)** Aren’t you hot _[Read 09:27]_

**(09:18)** Is it like velvet or something _[Read 09:27]_

**Bitch (09:27)** It’s corduroy. 

**Bitch (09:27)** It’s called dressing for the occasion: work.

**(09:28)** Ah. _[Read 09:30]_

**(09:28)** But youre at a construction site _[Read 09:30]_

**(09:28)** And its white _[Read 09:30]_

**Bitch (09:30)** It’s cream.

**(09:32)** Ok _[Read 09:45]_

**(09:33)** You have a bunch of sawdust on your ass. I think you leaned against something _[Read 09:45]_

**(09:34)** You should just wear jeans _[Read 09:45]_

**Bitch (09:50)** It’s a Monday, not casual Friday. 

**Bitch (09:52)** I’m the face of this company. Someone needs to look presentable when we have a drooling hog rolling around topless half the time, glowering at every new client.

**(09:55)** You got the sawdust don’t worry _[Read 09:56]_

**(09:56)** I don’t drool _[Read 09:56]_

**Bitch (09:57)** I see a glob on your chin.

**(10:00)** Dickhead _[Read 10:01]_

**Bitch (10:01)** Do you need to borrow my handkerchief?

**(10:04)** Do I get to keep it _[Read 10:06]_

**Bitch (10:10)** what...kind of question is that

**(10:10)** Free hanky _[Read 10:10]_

**(10:13)** Rob dropped nails over there watch where youre walking _[Read 10:15]_

**Bitch (10:20)** Why would I want it back after you’ve rubbed your slobber all over it.

**Bitch (10:21)** Yes because I can pay attention to where I’m walking when you’re blowing my phone up.

  
  


**03/08/2020**

  
  


**(22:06)** Whatre you up to _[Read 22:07]_

**Bitch (22:07)** Is there a reason you’re bothering me at this hour?

**Bitch (22:08)** Work phones.

**(22:08)** You bought them for everyone who cares _[Read 22:11]_

**(22:09)** Wyd _[Read 22:11]_

**Bitch (22:11)** Work phone implies for work related purposes.

**Bitch (22:11)** Is this work related?

**Bitch (22:13)** I’m at dinner.

**(22:13)** Oh. Who with _[Read 22:18]_

**Bitch (22:18)** do you have selective reading

**Bitch (22:19)** I’m with Lamb.

**(22:22)** K _[Read 22:29]_

**(22:22)** Nvm then _[Read 22:29]_

**Bitch (22:30)**? 

**Bitch (22:30)** Did you need something?

**(22:32)** Not really _[Read 22:33]_

**(22:32)** Just bored _[Read 22:33]_

**(22:36)** Sorry to bother you _[Read 22:36]_

**Bitch (22:41)** If you’re going to bother me, make it worth my while.

**(22:50)** Do they have dog bunk beds _[Read 22:52]_

**Bitch (22:53)** what

**(22:56)** Ive googled it they don’t _[Read 22:58]_

**(22:56)** Seems a shame _[Read 22:58]_

**(22:56)** Dogs should at least get the option y’know _[Read 22:58]_

**Bitch (22:58)** Is this what ails you, Snow.

**(23:00)** Don’t you ever think about these things _[Read 23:05]_

**(23:00)** What if one dog wants to be taller than the other one _[Read 23:05]_

**Bitch (23:10)** Dogs can’t even grasp the concept of anything existing beyond a closed door.

**(23:13)** Seems like a broad statement _[Read 23:16]_

**(23:14)** And tall doesn’t mean behind a door _[Read 23:16]_

**(23:15)** Look this has always bothered me. Why do they have cat trees but not a dog equivalent _[Read 23:16]_

**(23:16)** It seems unfair _[Read 23:16]_

**(23:25)** Whatre you eating _[Read 23:27]_

**Bitch (23:27)** We’re sharing a chocolate fondant.

**(23:39)** Cool _[Read 23:50]_

**(23:43)** Well sorry for bothering you have a fun night _[Read 23:50]_

  
  


**04/08/2020**

  
  


**Fuck Baz (13:07)** I’m used to you being a general pain in the ass, but when Lamb is there instead of me you still need to do what he asks. 

**(13:13)** Ok _[Read 13:14]_

**Fuck Baz (13:14)** You cannot tell him to fuck off, Snow. Or start using power tools when he talks.

**(13:27)** Ok _[Read 13:28]_

**Fuck Baz (13:29)** I have to leave for Germany for the next week, so you’ll report everything directly to him.

**(13:29)** Germany? How long are you gonna be gone?? _[Read 13:30]_

**Fuck Baz (13:30)** Selective reading. My last text said a week.

**(13:31)** Oh yeah guess it did _[Read 13:41]_

**(13:32)** Sorry _[Read 13:41]_

**(13:34)** Be safe _[Read 13:41]_

  
  


**04/08/2020**

  
  


**Fuck Baz (20:56)** Lamb said you aren’t answering his phone calls. He’s needed last minute in Germany with me, so he’s catching a red eye. I’ll need you to oversee the list of job sites I sent to your email.

**(20:58)** Sorry. Don’t usually check my phone. I’ll take care of it _[Read 20:58]_

**Fuck Baz (20:58)** He just called you 10 minutes before I texted you.

**(20:59)** Didn’t see it _[Read 20:59]_

**(21:00)** I rarely answer my phone mate. Ask anyone _[Read 21:00]_

**Fuck Baz (21:01)** Snow this is your work phone. I pay the bill for you to answer all work related matters.

**(21:03)** I’m answering you right now _[Read 21:03]_

  
  


**05/08/2020**

  
  


**(11:09)** This client wants your personal phone number _[Read 11:29]_

**(11:11)** I’ve told her we don’t give out that info but she won’t shut up unless I ask you if you’re comfortable with it _[Read 11:29]_

**(11:14)** I’m going nuts _[Read 11:29]_

**Fuck Baz (11:29)** Which client is it?

**(11:35)** One that always wears the hats with the dead birds or whatever. Looks like she eats the souls of her husbands _[Read 11:38]_

**(11:36)** Probably not taxidermy birds _[Read 11:38]_

**(11:38)** Well _[Read 11:38]_

**(11:38)** Maybe _[Read 11:38]_

**Fuck Baz (11:40)** Tell her my flight crashed and there were no survivors.

**(11:42)** Yep _[Read 11:43]_

  
  


**05/08/2020**

  
  


**(16:12)** Come back. I hate clients. _[Read 16:13]_

**Fuck Baz (16:13)** It’s not even been a full day.

**(16:15)** Your point? _[Read 16:21]_

**(16:15)** Come back. If I see one more eccentric millionaire I’ll have a mental breakdown _[Read 16:21]_

**(16:16)** How do you do this everyday _[Read 16:21]_

**Fuck Baz (16:21)** I have an excellent therapist and a jacuzzi tub I use nightly. 

**Fuck Baz (16:22)** **[Contact Info Sent]**

**Fuck Baz (16:22)** I should have sent you her information years ago so you’d stop whining at me.

**(16:23)** Funny. _[Read 16:30]_

  
  


**06/08/2020**

  
  


**(09:46)** Could you forward me the contract for the stouffer project _[Read 09:52]_

**(09:46)** Something happened to my copy _[Read 09:52]_

**(09:47)** Don’t ask _[Read 09:52]_

**[Email Received. PDF File Attached.]**

**(09:55)** Thank you _[Read 10:00]_

**(09:56)** So how’s your day going _[Read 10:00]_

**(09:56)** Obviously mine is shit _[Read 10:00]_

**Baz (10:00)** Ah, he has manners.

**(10:01)** Ha. _[Read 10:05]_

**(10:03)** Your day? _[Read 10:05]_

**Baz (10:05)** There’s no jacuzzi in our room.

**(10:15)** Ah. _[Read 10:16]_

  
  


**07/08/2020**

  
  


**(12:37)** Am I allowed to date clients _[Read 12:38]_

  
  


**07/08/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (14:29)** No. That could pose a conflict of interest.

  
  


**07/08/2020**

  
  


**(17:02)** So you replied too late and I got coffee with her _[Read 17:03]_

**(17:05)** She was nice it was fun :) _[Read 17:05]_

  
  


**07/08/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (21:12)** She’s not getting a friends and family discount.

**Bitchface McGee (21:12)** Which client is it

**(21:16)** New one around our age. Blonde curly hair kinda snooty _[Read 21:16]_

**(21:17)** Wears those really tall heels _[Read 21:17]_

  
  


**09/08/2020**

  
  


**(01:11)** So how was your day _[Read 01:12]_

  
  


**09/08/2020**

  
  


**(22:09)** I’m bored _[Read 22:13]_

**Bitchface McGee (22:13)** Can’t blame Kingsley for not entertaining you with a second date.

**(22:18)** Fuck off _[Read 22:18]_

  
  


**10/08/2020**

  
  


**(08:09)** I signed off on payroll for you _[Read 08:12]_

**Bitchface McGee (08:12)** That’s your job.

**(08:16)** I’m just letting you know ffs _[Read 08:22]_

**Bitchface McGee (08:22)** Do you want a Scooby snack

**(08:28)** Youre a fuckwad _[Read 08:38]_

  
  


**19/08/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (13:31)** You need to tell your girlfriend to stop showing up to different job sites.

**(13:43)** She just brought me a coffee and we went for a walk on my break _[Read 13:44]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:45)** Unless she wants to wear a hard hat, keep your playground romance off the premises.

**(13:47)** We went to a park nearby? _[Read 13:48]_

**(13:48)** We weren’t on the premises _[Read 13:48]_

  
  


**24/08/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (14:02)** Snow, she can’t wear your hard hat. You have to wear that. 

**(14:05)** Jesus Christ is she not allowed to show up at all? _[Read 14:05]_

**Bitchface McGee (14:12)** does she want to be put on payroll

**(14:17)** She did say she wanted to go back to uni for architecture _[Read 14:18]_

  
  


**26/08/2020**

  
  


**(14:32)** Why did you give Stephanie a special hard hat _[Read 14:36]_

**(14:33)** Why are you being so nice _[Read 14:36]_

**(14:34)** What are you doing _[Read 14:36]_

**(14:35)** Why is it pink _[Read 14:36]_

**Bitchface McGee (14:37)** If Kingsley is going to be here, she should be safe. You really should show more concern for your girlfriend, Snow.

**Bitchface McGee (14:37)** Pink is a good color on her, is it not?

**(14:39)** She likes orange _[Read 14:40]_

**(14:39)** Stop being weird _[Read 14:40]_

**Bitchface McGee (14:45)** She told me it matches her favourite lipstick. She’s right, you know. 

**Bitchface McGee (14:45)** Rude of you to assume you know what a lady likes better than she would. 

  
  


**27/08/2020**

  
  


**(12:59)** Fucking lunch? Really? _[Read 13:02]_

**(12:59)** You took her out to lunch _[Read 13:02]_

**(13:00)** What the fuck _[Read 13:02]_

**(13:00)** What are you trying to do _[Read 13:02]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:02)** She’s interested in my expertise on advancing in her career.

**Bitchface McGee (13:03)** She said she’ll bring you a doggy bag.

  
  


**31/08/2020**

  
  


**(13:23)** Why the fuck was she in your office _[Read 13:24]_

**(13:23)** Stop _[Read 13:24]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:32)** She’s a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions about who she chooses to spend her time with.

**Bitchface McGee (13:32)** I suggest having more to offer her.

**(13:33)** What happened to lamb _[Read 13:34]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:34)**? 

**(13:34)** I thought you were with lamb _[Read 13:34]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:39)** He hasn’t been to this job site for a week.

**(13:39)** So you cheat on him because he’s gone a week???? _[Read 13:39]_

**(13:39)** With Stephanie??? _[Read 13:39]_

**(13:40)** What the fuck _[Read 13:40]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:43)** What do you mean cheat? I’m not replacing my business partner with someone less experienced.

**(13:43)** Do you exclusively date business partners what the fuck _[Read 13:43]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:54)** …

**Bitchface McGee (13:54)** do you think im dating lamb

**Bitchface McGee (13:54)** the only way I’d date kingsley is if she were a man and a complete idiot

**(13:55)** The whole firm thinks you’re dating _[Read 13:55]_

**Bitchface McGee (13:56)** He’s my colleague and nearly two decades older than me.

**(13:56)** Hasn’t stopped anyone before _[Read 13:56]_

**Bitchface McGee (14:01)** I’m not attracted to my colleagues.

**(14:16)** Oh _[Read 14:18]_

  
  


**01/09/2020**

  
  


**(08:48)** Wanna get lunch _[Read 09:00]_

  
  


**01/09/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (11:15)** Shall I run out and purchase you a bib first?

**Bitchface McGee (11:17)** I prefer settings that offer eating utensils.

**(11:20)** I thought wed go to the new shawarma place bc the boys said its good but where would you like to go _[Read 11:20]_

  
  


**01/09/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (12:26)** thats fine

**(12:26)** :) _[Read 12:26]_

  
  


**01/09/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface McGee (14:48)** Next time we have lunch refrain from raiding a teenage boys AXE collection.

**Bitchface McGee (14:48)** I could hardly taste my food over the stench.

**(14:49)** Fuck off _[Read 14:50]_

  
  


**04/09/2020**

  
  


**(09:02)** You’re wearing jeans _[Read 09:09]_

**Bitchface (09:10)** And you’re wearing your captain obvious crown.

**(09:10)** You’ve never worn jeans before _[Read 09:11]_

**(09:10)** That I’ve seen _[Read 09:11]_

**(09:10)** Here _[Read 09:11]_

**(09:10)** At a site _[Read 09:11]_

**(09:10)** I mean _[Read 09:11]_

**Bitchface (09:11)** Don’t be a complete idiot. I wear them every Friday.

**(09:11)** I’m not here on Fridays _[Read 09:13]_

**(09:25)** You should wear jeans more often _[Read 09:29]_

**(09:27)** Look like less of a prick _[Read 09:29]_

**Bitchface (09:29)** Unfortunately, I have no fashion advice of my own that could save your wreck of a personality.

**(09:30)** Piss off _[Read 09:30]_

**(09:55)** Wanna grab a coffee tomorrow _[Read 09:58]_

**Bitchface (10:06)** on the weekend

**(10:06)** Yeah _[Read 10:06]_

**(10:07)** Do you wanna _[Read 10:07]_

  
  


**04/09/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface (12:56)** you got a haircut 

**Bitchface (12:58)** if you get a concussion because you refuse to wear your safety gear you’ll still be coming into work

**Bitchface (13:03)** coffee sounds Fine

**(13:03)** Does it look alright? _[Read 13:03]_

**(13:03)** My hair _[Read 13:03]_

**(13:04)** Sweet what time _[Read 13:04]_

**Bitchface (13:16)** You’ve made this social call, you should at least have the details worked out.

**(13:18)** I was trying to be nice fuckhead _[Read 13:22]_

**(13:20)** 10:30? _[Read 13:22]_

**Bitchface (13:28)** Fuckhead, accurate description of what you look like now.

**Bitchface (13:28)** Like you’ve been styled with a weedwacker.

**Bitchface (13:32)** Do you have a location in mind or is your brain still buffering?

**(13:36)** I thought I looked good _[Read 13:39]_

**(13:37)** Idk you’re so fancy I figured you’d want to go somewhere special _[Read 13:39]_

**(13:38)** Starbucks? Idk _[Read 13:39]_

**Bitchface (13:47)** Is that where you took your last date.

**Bitchface (13:47)** It’s a wonder your girlfriends prefer me.

**(13:48)** Stephanie picked the places _[Read 13:49]_

**(13:49)** I never get coffee I don’t know any coffee places _[Read 13:49]_

**Bitchface (13:49)** You’re tragic.

**Bitchface (13:51) [** **Location Sent: Dalloway Terrace]**

**(13:51)** :))) _[Read 13:51]_

  
  


**04/09/2020**

  
  


**(18:06)** Penny look I bought cowboy boots _[Read 18:08]_

**(18:07) [Image Sent]** _[Read 18:08]_

**(18:18)** Wait fucj wrong person _[Read 18:19]_

  
  


**04/09/2020**

  
  


**Bitchface (22:37)** Are you wearing those tomorrow

  
  


**05/09/2020**

  
  


**(17:48)** Thanks for hanging out with me today _[Read 17:49]_

  
  


**05/09/2020**

  
  


**Baz (19:23)** Thank you for inviting me.

**(19:25)** Np _[Read 19:27]_

**(19:26)** Whatre you up to _[Read 19:27]_

**Baz (19:27)** You’ve exhausted me.

**Baz (19:28)** Drawing a bath to read.

**(19:28)** How is a coffee and one movie exhausting _[Read 19:28]_

**(19:29)** Whatcha reading _[Read 19:29]_

**Baz (19:34)** It wasn’t the movie, it was your cowboy boots with their obnoxious metal heels.

**Baz (19:34)** A book.

**(19:35)** We were sitting most of the time we were together >:( _[Read 19:35]_

**(19:35)** I like my new boots >:( _[Read 19:35]_

**(19:36)** Which book _[Read 19:36]_

**Baz (19:38)** will you ever learn to mind your own business

**Baz (19:39)** Of course you’d like anything that gets you the most attention. 

**(19:39)** No tell me _[Read 19:39]_

**(19:40)** Isn’t the whole point to hold your attention _[Read 19:40]_

**(19:40)** Whars the book _[Read 19:40]_

**Baz (19:41)** What’s*

**Baz (19:41)** Anyone within a 400 kilometer radius of you is well aware of your presence. 

**(19:42)** That’s not true _[Read 19:42]_

**(19:42)** Fine w h a t ‘ s the book _[Read 19:42]_

**(19:43)** Cunt. _[Read 19:43]_

**Baz (19:44)** Fine literature your pea sized brain could never grasp.

**(19:44)** Cool. What is is _[Read 19:44]_

**Baz (19:45)** it*

**(19:45)** Cool what is it _[Read 19:45]_

**(19:46)** Fuckin shitbag _[Read 19:46]_

**Baz (19:47)** Obscure title from a foreign author. You wouldn’t know how to pronounce it.

**Baz (19:47)** You hardly know how to use your mouth.

**(19:52)** Big talk from a bloke that’s never really seen my mouth in action _[Read 19:52]_

**(19:52)** Nvm that came out weird _[Read 19:53]_

**(19:52)** lol _[Read 19:53]_

**(19:53)** Sorry enjoy your bath _[Read 19:53]_

**Baz (19:55)** ive been watching your mouth for four years i know exactly what sort of stupidity its capable of

**(19:56)** Maybe you just haven’t seen it do the right things yet _[Read 19:56]_

**Baz (20:02)** So you’ve taken into consideration my suggestion for speech therapy

**(20:03)** I don’t need to talk to be good with my mouth, Baz. _[Read 20:03]_

**(20:05)** So what’s the vook _[Read 20:05]_

**(20:05)** *book _[Read 20:05]_

**Baz (20:06)** If you mean table manners, you chew like a ravenous cow.

**(20:07)** Thanks. _[Read 20:07]_

**(20:08)** Why aren’t you telling me the book _[Read 20:08]_

**(20:09)** Is it porn _[Read 20:09]_

**Baz (20:14)** snow you cannot just ask your boss about

**Baz (20:16)** this is a work phone

**(20:17)** I only asked because you’re being secretive _[Read 20:17]_

**(20:17)** You bought these phones its fine _[Read 20:17]_

**(20:18)** Why don’t you ever call me Simon _[Read 20:18]_

**Baz (20:21)** I know it’s impossible for you to grasp many concepts, notably anything pertaining to personal space, but I am allowed an iota of privacy outside of work.

**Baz (20:22)** Yes I bought these phones for all business related communication and yet you seem to be the only employee who thinks of them as a public discord.

**(20:23)** You didn’t answer my question _[Read 20:23]_

**(20:23)** Again _[Read 20:23]_

**Baz (20:27)** Gay erotica

**(20:27)** Lmao of course you read those _[Read 20:27]_

**(20:28)** And it was porn I was right _[Read 20:28]_

**(20:29)** What’s it about _[Read 20:29]_

**(20:30)** Aside from the hot sex I mean _[Read 20:30]_

**(20:31)** You never answered why you don’t call me simon _[Read 20:31]_

**Baz (20:33)** I write it out on your pay stubs.

  
  


**06/09/2020**

**(07:38) [Image Sent]** _[Read 07:39]_

**(07:38)** My hair looks like shit this morning _[Read 07:39]_

**Baz (07:43)** funny you think it’s only this morning

**(07:44)** I like my hair :( _[Read 07:44]_

**Baz (07:48)** did you buy your trackies in the boys section

**Baz (07:48)** why is it impossible for you to keep a shirt on

**(07:56)** I was hot! _[Read 07:57]_

**(07:56)** I’m not gonna wear a turtleneck to the gym _[Read 07:57]_

**Baz (08:03)** youre always bloody hot, snow 

**(08:05)** Thank you :) _[Read 08:05]_

**(08:05)** So are you :) _[Read 08:05]_

**(08:08)** Oh you meant like temperature _[Read 08:08]_

**(08:08)** Yeah I run warm _[Read 08:08]_

  
  


**07/09/2020**

  
  


**(09:47)** You look really good today :) _[Read 09:49]_

  
  


**07/09/2020**

  
  


**Baz <3 (12:33) **some of us know how to dress ourselves 

  
  


**08/09/2020**

  
  


**Baz <3 (13:00) **Kingsley wants to know if you've lost your phone.

**Baz <3 (13:01) **Because you won’t take her calls.

**Baz <3 (13:01) **You’ve dragged me into your relationship problems.

**Baz <3 (13:02) **We don’t even discuss her future career during lunch.

**Baz <3 (13:02) **I tried to warn her that you’d be a dreadful boyfriend.

**(13:10)** Oh whoops _[Read 13:12]_

**(13:10)** I never look at my phone. _[Read 13:12]_

**(13:11)** Anyway she wasn’t my girlfriend Baz _[Read 13:12]_

**(13:12)** We talked for like a week _[Read 13:12]_

**Baz <3 (13:17) **I tried giving her your work phone number, since apparently you’re always on this one

**Baz <3 (13:17) **It’s the number she already had

**Baz <3 (13:18) **Snow is this the only phone you use

**(13:18)** Yeah why _[Read 13:18]_

  
  


**09/09/2020**

  
  


**(10:05)** Let’s grab lunch today _[Read 10:08]_

**Baz <3 (10:10) **I have an open door policy if there’s something you need to discuss.

**Baz <3 (10:10) **I’m having lunch with Lamb today.

  
  


**09/09/2020**

  
  


**Baz <3 (16:46) **Lamb and I are taking the rest of the day off. An important client has invited us to an event where they’re showcasing our future plans for their new offices. 

**(16:46)** K _[Read 16:46]_

  
  


**10/09/2020**

  
  


**(11:02)** Lunch today? _[Read 11:11]_

**Baz <3 (11:11) **?

**Baz <3 (11:11) **Open door policy?

**Baz <3 (11:13) **I’m already at lunch with Lamb.

**(11:20)** Jesus Christ Baz if you don’t want to date me can you just fucking say it _[Read 11:35]_

**(11:21)** You don’t have to be such a massive fucking cunt about everything _[Read 11:35]_

**Baz <3 (11:46) **you owe me a shirt I just dumped my lunch on myself

**(11:46)** what the fuck are you on about _[Read 11:46]_

**(11:46)** Do you wanna fucking date me or not _[Read 11:46]_

**(11:47)** It’s fine if you don’t I’m not fucking 14 _[Read 11:47]_

**Baz <3 (11:58) **when did dating come into the equation

**Baz <3 (11:58) **you have a girlfriend

**Baz <3 (12:00) **im gay

**(12:00)** I don’t have a girlfriend _[Read 12:00]_

**(12:00)** I know you are that’s why I keep asking you out _[Read 12:00]_

**(12:01)** What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing _[Read 12:01]_

**Baz <3 (12:06) **those were dates

**(15:06)** Yeah? _[Read 12:06]_

**(12:06)** What else would they be _[Read 12:06]_

**Baz <3 (12:09) **two dates and suddenly we’re boyfriends 

**Baz <3 (12:09) **for the love of 

**Baz <3 (12:11) **do you think ive been going on dates with lamb

**(12:11)** Idk what the fuck youve been doing with that asshole _[Read 12:11]_

**(12:12)** But you sure as hell have been avoiding me _[Read 12:12]_

**(12:12)** I didn’t say we were boyfriends but itd be nice _[Read 12:12]_

**Baz <3 (12:13) **they’re business lunches to discuss new clients plans

**Baz <3 (12:13) **I’m not avoiding you, you nitwit. I’m working.

**(12:14)** Yeah ok _[Read 12:14]_

**(12:15)** You still haven’t answered the question, Baz. _[Read 12:15]_

**(12:18)** Baz. _[Read 12:18]_

**(12:21)** I know that you’re reading these. _[Read 12:21]_

**(12:24)** Fucking respond. _[Delivered]_

**(12:24)** I’m going to wring your neck, you fucking dickwad. _[Delivered]_

**Baz <3 (12:26) **Oh so he does know basic punctuation 

**Baz <3 (12:26) **I’m impressed

**(12:27)** You know what? Fuck you too, Baz. Sorry for fucking bothering you. _[Delivered]_

**Baz <3 (12:27) **wait

**(12:28)** Fucking what now? _[Delivered]_

**Baz <3 (12:30) **I don’t know.

**_[Outgoing Call 12:31]_ **

**_[Sent to Voicemail 12:32]_ **

**(12:32)** Pick up your fucking phone _[Delivered]_

**_[Outgoing Call 12:33]_ **

**_[Call answered 12:33]_ **

“What the fuck, Baz.”

“Rather rude way of addressing your superior.”

“What the fuck ever. Stop acting like a dickbag and answer my question.”

“I didn’t know slinging schoolyard insults counted as asking a question.”

“How hard is it to just say, ‘no, I’m not interested’? Is it really that fucking hard?”

“...I didn’t say I wasn’t interested.”

“So you’re just, what, leading me on then? Fuck off.”

“I can’t be leading you on if I didn’t know the circumstances of our recent rendezvous. You didn’t even properly ask me out!”

“What did— How— You— ugh— Fine! Date me!”

“...I give you one job where you’re the leader and suddenly you think you’re in charge of everything.”

“Oh my god, Baz. Fine. I get it. Sorry for fucking bothering you. I won’t bring it up again.”

“Simon.”

“...What?”

“I’m not saying I don’t want this, I’m just saying I don’t understand.”

“...I want to be your boyfriend, Baz. If you…”

“ _Simon.”_

“When are you back from lunch?” 

“I’m coming back now, Simon.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay.”

“‘Kay.”

“...okay.”

**_[Call Ended 12:45]_ **

  
  


**10/09/2020**

  
  


**(14:01)** :)))) _[Read 14:02]_

**(14:02)** :)))))))))))) _[Read 14:02]_

**Baz <3 (14:02) **stop

**(14:03)** :((( _[Read 14:03]_

**Baz <3 (14:03) **simon 

**(14:04)** Yes? :) _[Read 14:04]_

**Baz <3 (14:04) **you’re staring

**(14:05)** Yep _[Read 14:05]_

**(14:05)** I’m allowed to now it’s fine :) _[Read 14:05]_

**Baz <3 (14:06) **you stared before

**(14:07)** Well. _[Read 14:07]_

**(14:08)** I mean yeah but I can tell you you’re hot now _[Read 14:08]_

**Baz <3 (14:10) **aren’t you the one who’s always hot

**(14:11)** :) _[Read 14:12]_

  
  


**11/09/2020**

  
  


**(09:45)** You’re so beautiful Baz :) _[Read 09:47]_

**Baz <3 (09:47) **im not paying you to text on the clock

**(09:48)** Do I get paid to snog you? :P _[Read 09:48]_

**(09:48)** Cause we can go back to that _[Read 09:48]_

**Baz <3 (09:49) **I only play favorites on the weekends.

**(09:49)** D: _[Read 09:49]_

**Baz <3 (09:50) **That was me dropping a hint, Snow.

**(09:51)** I don’t wanna wait until the weekend to go on another date _[Read 09:52]_

**(09:52)** You were calling me simon _[Read 09:52]_

**Baz <3 (09:53) **We do see each other everyday. 

**Baz <3 (09:53) **simon 

**(09:54)** :) _[Read 09:54]_

**(09:54)** Dinner? _[Read 09:54]_

**Baz <3 (09:55) **my place or yours

**Baz <3 (09:55) **or

**Baz <3 (09:55) **I mean 

**Baz <3 (09:56) **Where

**Baz <3 (09:56) **What time

**(09:58)** You have a jacuzzi, right? _[Read 09:59]_

**Baz <3 (10:00) **Simon.

  
  


**03/12/2020**

  
  


**(10:14) [Image Sent]** _[Read 10:16]_

**Bitch <33 (10:16) **Sweet fucking Christ, Snow, this is a work phone. 

**Bitch <33 (10:17) **is this why you called in today

**Bitch <33 (10:18) **im in the middle of a meeting you were supposed to be leading

**(10:20)** Nope I’m super sick _[Read 10:21]_

**(10:22)** Miss u _[Read 10:23]_

**Bitch <33 (10:24) **I hate you. 

**Bitch <33 (10:24) **You are the most useless member of this team.

**(10:26)** Mhm _[Read 10:27]_

**(10:28)** When are you getting off work again _[Read 10:29]_

**Bitch <33 (10:29) **I’m not. Ever.

**(10:33) [Image Sent]** _[Read 10:36]_

**(10:34)** That sucks :/ _[Read 10:36]_

**Bitch <33 (10:39) **Not quite the same way you suck.

**(10:42)** :) _[Read 10:42]_

**(10:47) [Image Sent]** _[Read 10:50]_

**Bitch <33 (10:50) **simon snow

**Bitch <33 (10:50) **im In a room full of people

**Bitch <33 (10:51) **I’m not Wearing restricve pnts 

**(10:54)** Wow sucks to be you _[Read 10:55]_

**(10:56) [Video Sent]** _[Read 10:56]_

**Bitch <33 (10:58) **i hate you 

**Bitch <33 (11:02) **i just dumped the entirety of my fresh cup of coffee directly onto my lap

**Bitch <33 (11:02) **on purpose

**Bitch <33 (11:03) **so i could stand up and leave the room

**Bitch <33 (11:03) **without humiliating myself for having a very different sort of mess in my pants

**(11:05)** Come home _[Read 11:06]_

**Bitch <33 (11:06) **right

**Bitch <33 (11:06) **come

**(11:08)** :) _[Read 11:10]_

**(11:11) [Image Sent]** _[Read 11:11]_

**(11:13)** See you soon? _[Read 11:14]_

**Bitch <33 (11:14) **no

**(11:15)** Aww :( _[Read 11:15]_

**Bitch <33 (11:16) **I despise you.

**(11:18)** See you soon? _[Read 11:19]_

**Bitch <33 (11:20) **im gay

**(11:20)** :))) _[Read 11:20]_

**(11:21)** I love you. _[Read 11:21]_

**Bitch <33 (11:22) **my burnt dick says otherwise

**(11:22)** Come home I’ll kiss it better _[Read 11:22]_

**Bitch <33 (11:23) **I’m going to smother you in your sleep with your own fatuity.

**(11:25)** Hot _[Read 11:27]_

**(11:27) [Image Sent]** _[Read 11:27]_

**Bitch <33 (11:28) **there’s something wrong with you

**Bitch <33 (11:28) **You’re relentless

**Bitch <33 (11:29) **I’ve hailed a cab

**(11:30)** See you soon <3 _[Read 11:30]_

**Bitch <33 (11:31) **it looks like I pissed myself

**(11:32)** Lmfao. _[Read 11:32]_

**(11:32)** I love you _[Read 11:32]_

**Bitch <33 (11:33) **I love you too.

**Author's Note:**

> jay was simon bri was baz as per usual. hit us up on tumblr at adamarks and theflyingpeach
> 
> simon was NOT wearing that much cologne it was TASTEFUL and baz is an ASSHOLE  
> Also his hair looked GREAT


End file.
